It can be difficult to know whether or not your partner is ‘the one’. Our minds are filled with scenes from romantic comedies and novels so it can be hard to determine what kind of partner is truly right for you. Perhaps your biggest fear is that you will ‘settle’ with someone you may not be happy with in the long term. With the rate of divorce so high, it is a valid concern for anyone looking for a committed and long term relationship. Let’s talk about many of the mistakes people make when looking for a relationship:
- Staying in a long term relationship too long because you are afraid of being single.
- Feelings of low self esteem that may lead to you accepting a lower quality relationship because you don’t feel like you can do better.
- Being so desperate for a relationship that any person seeking a relationship will help alleviate feelings of loneliness
- Pursuing an individual who may ‘look good one paper’ or ‘check all of the boxes’ but is lacking any actual compatibility
Now that you are aware of what you are wanting to avoid when getting into a relationship, let’s explore how to start a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. First and foremost, being self confident and self aware is vital to starting new relationships. This will eliminate any of those pitfalls that may include ‘desperation for companionship’ or ‘settling for a lower quality relationship because you feel it is the best you can do’. No, you don’t have to be perfectly self aware and confident to be in a relationship, but being aware of your struggles and flaws will help you think clearly in picking a partner.
Take it slow. Physical intimacy early in a relationship can add layers of emotions and feelings of connections with an individual. Early in a relationship is when you should be able to easily step away if you notice your partner may not be a good fit, but it can be difficult to see red flags or to walk away with the added ties of physical intimacy.
Keep your money separate. This is a similar concept to physical intimacy. Your goal in the early phases of a relationship should be to evaluate if the relationship will work. Shared bank accounts, living together, or shared vehicles make your lives intertwined. It can harder to step away from a relationship with all of the financial ties. This is also a nice time to observe how your partner handles their finances and if you think that their behaviour is compatible to yours.
Bring in support. Whether it be deciding if you are ready for a committed relationship or to provide support in ending a relationship you don’t want to be in, reach out to loved ones that your trust and love. If you have concerns about family and friends being biased, reach out to a psychologist to provide an outside perspective into a relationship. To book in a time to speak to a psychologist contact us on (02) 6262 6157 or book an appointment online.